Facebook

So, in case you haven't noticed, I deleted my Facebook.  It will most likely be temporary.  It was draining me emotionally.  I really needed a break. 

It seemed like everytime I made a comment on anything, someone had something smart to say.  I mean, why are people so defensive online?  They know for a fact that they wouldn't have that much "courage" face to face!  You can read CNN or Yahoo message boards and it's the same type of thing.  People always want to have something negative to say about someone else.  Can we not have a normal, friendly, healthy discussion online about anything without people being offended or just plain out being immature about it?! 

I deactivated my Facebook account and the Facebook people really do a good job about making you feel guilty about it.  The screen after you try to deactivate shows random friend's pictures and says these people are going to miss me.  I don't think any of those people's worlds will stop just because I am not on Facebook.  Anyway, if you are a real friend then obviously you will know how to reach me outside of Facebook. 

It is hard to stay off of Facebook though, for many reasons.  1.  I have subscribed to other websites like sparkpeople.com and guess what?  I use my Facebook to log in.  I use my Facebook to log in to wspa.com, also.  2.  I realize I uploaded all my pictures to Facebook and I can't look at or show those pictures without logging in.  3.  I just really am/was addicted to it.  It was getting to where it was the first thing I did in the morning and the last thing I did at night.  All day and even in my dreams, I would be constantly thinking of status updates.  If I heard a song, I might think "Hey, that will be my status."  I just HAD to know what my 3rd cousin's baby daddy's other baby mama was up to.  I don't even know them!!  I am just way too nosy on there. 

Facebook can be a GREAT and useful tool for communicating.  But it can also be a terrible addiction.

It's A Hamster, NO, It's A Mouse!!

Funny story.  The other day I am in the bed and the kids are in their rooms supposed to be in the bed. Cameron comes running in my room in a panic, saying, "Spike (the hamster) got out!!!  He made a hole and got out of his cage!  I just seen him running across the kitchen floor.  Mama, catch him!!!"  Then, he starts crying!  So, I get up and check the cage out...there Spike is balled up sleeping like a baby in his cage.

SO, that tells me it's time to set a mouse trap in the kitchen!!

Forgiveness

My tragic flaw:  I struggle with forgiveness.  More like I struggle with forgiving others.  I hold grudges.  But I expect others to forgive me. 

Right now, I am going through some things.  Nothing bad...I just feel like my heart is transforming.  I am trying to re-find myself.  I thought I knew exactly who I was, but I am starting to think that person who I think I am, is not quite the person I should be.  My brain is in all sorts of directions right now.

So, back to forgiveness.  Why is it so hard to forgive those who hurt us? 

This morning, I went and bought myself a brand new *pink* Bible. :)  I kept looking at it and I just couldn't figure out where to start.  So, I prayed for some sort of direction....just a little help. 

For some reason, I started searching on Facebook for someone who I really "hated." (I do this too often).  I found this person's page and seen one of my friends was friends with this person.  It really upset me.  It immediately put me in a hateful mood.  It brought back bad memories of the things that person and another person who is still in my life had done to really hurt me.  So, I took it out on that person.  WHY can't I forgive them??? 

I took it to the pink Bible...."If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men for their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."  

WOW!  I don't want to go unforgiven!!! 

Also, found this:  "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, alone with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to eachother, forgiving eachother, just as in Christ God forgave you."

It sounded like that verse was directed toward me!!! 

There it is in black and white though, DIRECT ORDERS!!!

My pretty new pink Bible. :)

Chester the Retriever

Yesterday, I went with Cameron to Petsmart to price dog houses before I went ahead with the dog adoption.  The large sized dog house was like $140!!!  So, I talked him into a hamster...he was completely ok with the hamster.  We picked out the hamster and the supplies.  He named him Spike.

A few weeks ago, I had quickly placed an ad on Craigslist that said:   "I am looking for a puppy or young dog for my 8 year old son. I need it to be an outdoor dog who is good with kids. I can pay but not looking to pay breeder prices. My son has researched and decided he really wants a golden retriever. I will consider any good larger dog besides pitts, rottweilers (sp), or great danes. Papers not necessary. Spayed/Neutered preferred. Also, looking to find a nice sized dog house. Thanks!!!"

I got a few replies in the first few days.  Someone said they had black lab puppies for $75 deposit.  2 people emailed me about dog houses for $100 and $150.  I had really forgotten all about the post until this morning.  When I logged into my e-mail, there was a reply from a lady:  We have a 6 month old male yellow lab.  Follows my son everywhere.  Very loveable.  We are also offering the doghouse with him.   We are just asking $25 for the dog and the house.

So, we spoke on the phone.  I told her I wanted him.  I couldn't pass him up.  She told me she really wanted him to go to a little boy.  It made her so happy.  She also told me that she kept trying to post him on Craigslist but it wouldn't go through.  It was no coincidence that she found my old ad!  Chester was meant for us!

He looks just like a golden retriever...he is maybe mixed with lab.  He is very cute and sweet!  And he was a GREAT deal.  Now, we have a spare hamster.  I guess Cassidy will take over "rat" duties.  (Her word)

Cameron and his dog, Chester

Cassidy and Spike

Xtreme Energy Band

On Monday evening, my kids' dad told me I should get me a "Xtreme Energy Band" because I am clumsy (I am!) and it would help with my balance.  He said a co-worker of his was bragging about his and how great it was.

On Tuesday, a co-worker showed me his new Xtreme Energy Band.  I immediate rolled my eyes but he insisted that I hear him out.  Now, this co-worker is probably the most pessimistic person I know, so I figured if he believed it, I should AT LEAST hear him out.  He told me it gives him energy, helps his balance, and takes away certain aches and pains that he had been having (he was previously in a really bad bike wreck around a year ago).  Of course, I scoffed at these magic bracelet claims.

So, he had me try these "tests" that the saleswoman gave him.  One was standing on with my arms out on one foot.  He pushed me and I of course fell (told you I am clumsy!).  He then laid the bracelet up on my shoulder and did the test again.  I didn't budge.  He repeated a few more tests and the same thing happened after them too!  Now, I know people say it's in your mind and if you want it to work it will....but, let me tell you I was a HUGE skeptic.  So, I didn't necessarily want it to work.  Matter of fact, I go out of my way to prove this particular co-worker WRONG as often as possible!!  (heehee) 

Well, I was amazed.  I asked him if I could wear it for a few minutes.  I have been having a problem with my left knee popping every step I take but the whole time I had it on, no popping.  As soon as I took it off and handed it back, my knee popped....Coincidence?

That day at lunch, another co-worker mentioned he had one too and he loved it.  He said it gave him so much energy!  How weird, in less than 24 hours I have been told about this same bracelet by three different people...

OK, so that was just the background of my story.  Let me try to get to the POINT.

Last night, when I got off work, something made me go to the mall and purchase this magic bracelet.  I just HAD to HAVE it.  I don't know why.  I usually wouldn't be caught dead at the mall at 8:30 at night with two kids after just working 12 hours but I went.  I wore it all night and to work this morning.  I didn't feel my knee pop the whole time I was wearing although I really didn't notice any super energy effects....but just the knee thing would be enough to keep giving it a try.  And the whole balance thing that was proven to me a day earlier.

Another co-worker of mine has been in the hospital and out of work for months due to a stroke and other health problems.  He has had trouble walking for more than a year.  Today he just came by my job to visit  everyone after going to the neurologist and I walked up to the office where he was at.  When I walked up, he was talking about how the doctor had given him a new medication to help his balance.  He was saying that he felt like he was going to fall...and it wasn't a matter of IF he was going to fall, but WHEN. 

At that moment, I knew that bracelet was meant for him.  I immediately took it off and handed it to him.  He said he had heard about it already and wanted to see if it would help him.  If it works to help his balance, great.  If it is only is his mind and it works to make him feel better, great. 

I read a friend's blog where she said she doesn't believe in coincidences.....I feel so strongly that God wanted me to give him that bracelet.  It's the first time I can actually say I felt like God spoke to me.  I can't explain it.  And even if nobody can prove it works or if it is only a mind thing, maybe it will help him...maybe it will be a small factor in getting him back to health and getting him back to work!!!

I feel completely blessed and wonderful today, by the way.  So, that bracelet really did work!!!!!

The Search is On!

Cameron and I have been looking for a golden retriever. 

I found puppies through as breeder for the low low price of $800.  I found dogs through the golden retriever rescue but they make you sign away your life to get one. 

So, we went to the Humane Society to look at puppies.  There were several cute puppies-some black labs and german shepherds.  Of course, Cameron wasn't satisfied, he wanted to look at the big dogs.  He found a golden retriever named Atlas and fell in love with him.  He is 3 and has been injured.  He is HUGE.  I asked him why doesn't he want a cute little puppy.  His response, "But Mom, his eyes are so sad."  So, maybe Atlas is our dog.  I am not sure yet. 

Happy Mother's Day

A mother, mom, mum, momma or mama, is a woman who has conceived, given birth to, or raised a child in the role of a parent. Because of the complexity and differences of a mother's social, cultural, and religious definitions and roles, it is challenging to define a mother to suit a universally accepted definition. (Wikipedia)

A mother to me is someone who is devoted, patient, unconditionally loving...she is someone who gives for the pure excitement of making her children happy and safe.

A mother can be anyone who shows us support when we are down, wipes our tears away, picks us up when we fall. It doesn't have to be a biological mother.

A MOTHER is someone who loves her child unconditionally and selflessly.

I am thankful for all the wonderful, loving mothers in my life.

Happy Mother's Day to you all.

My Son, the Negotiator

My son, Cameron, has been begging for a dog for the longest time.  I told him when we first moved into this house the landlord clearly said, "No Pets."  

The last couple of months, he has grown extremely serious about the whole 'getting a dog' thing.  He has spent hours researching dogs online.  He has checked out book upon book at his school library on the subject of dogs.  He has written essays about dogs.  He is probably the foremost expert in the subject as far as 2nd graders go.  He knows what dog he wants and he can tell you why he wants that particular dog.  He can also give you traits and characteristics of different dogs, especially the particular one he wants.

A Golden Retriever.  This is the dog he wants.  And for good reason.  These dogs are smart and fun and good with children.  If you ask Cam about it, he can tell you more than I can about them.  

I am no big fan of dogs or animals in general.  They seem like too much work to me.  I have latched on to the valid excuse that we can't have a dog because the landlord said so.  He can't argue with that, can he?  NOPE.  

I was wrong.  The whole past month he has said that when I go pay the rent he is going to ask her can he have a dog.  I kept telling him that she already said no and I doubt she will let him.  He was very determined.  He HAD to hear it for himself.  I knew he would be too shy to ask her anyways.  So, I said ok, that he could ask her.

Today was the day we went to pay our rent.  He said he was going to ask her and I didn't believe him.  We walked in her house, made small talk, and I paid my bill.  Cam kept eying her.  I knew he wanted to say it but he couldn't.  Then....he did.  He very politely asked could he have a dog.  I was so proud of him and his initiative.  She told him not in the house and he made a deal that he would put up a fence and wouldn't take him in the house.  He really took charge of the conversation!!!  He had talked his way into getting a dog!!!!  How amazing!!!  

Ok, so now I don't have the landlord to use as my excuse why we can't get a dog.  And after that, how could I NOT get him a dog?  

My Lack of Artistic Talent

It's coming upon Mother's Day and I want to tell the special mothers in my life how much the kids and I love and appreciate them.  That extends outside of Moms and Grandmoms to Aunts and other great woman in our life.  So, in order to really make things meaningful, it takes a lot more time, effort, and money.

I come up with this crazy idea to make stepping stones with the kids hand prints and let them decorate them.  I purchased the plaster and stencils and paint and other assorted decorating tools.

Let me tell you, this is not quite as easy as it sounds.

First,  the plaster had horrible instructions.  Mix one pound of powered plaster to 1 and 3/4 cups of water.  Now,  I don't know about you,  but I don't have a scale in my house that weighs powder.  I just mixed it until it was "pancake consistency" per the box.  The box also said that you have 30 minutes to work with the plaster before it dries....ummm....untrue.  This plaster was dry in the bowl I was mixing it in in 3 minutes or less!
FAILED

So, then, I thought...let me make less of it at one time.  So, I made a small bowl of it.  I poured it into the mold.  Cameron put his hand.  It goes through to the bottom of the mold.  So, there's a hole.
FAILED.

So, then, I thought, let me put it in a deeper mold (aka bowl) and add more plaster.  Ok, hand placed.  I give it some minutes to dry.  I turned it over to remove it from the mold and it came flying out and busted.
FAILED

So, then, I thought, let me get online and do some Googling because obviously I don't know a thing about plaster.  Let me tell you, when you watch someone else do something like this, they make it look so much easier than it is.  I actually made it through the hand printing and the dumping out of the mold to the decorating phase.  The kids and I (well, Cassidy and I) had 2 hand prints looking very pretty.  I easily picked the one I was working on up and gently....ok, not so gently dropped it on the table.
FAILED

Cassidy was working on hers and she really worked hard on it, too.  It had dried for a while and I was showing it off to someone hours later and picked it up by the corner and it broke off.
FAILED.

And yes, she wanted to kill me.

Seems like I had not read all the way through the online instructions that stated "Let dry completely.  Overnight is best."  before you painted/decorated.
FAILED.

So, 5 hours into it and not one stepping stone even halfway complete (not to mention the huge mess it made), we gave it up.  I may try again tomorrow...or I may just go buy some cards.   Maybe I will just print this story out and give it to the Moms we love.  It's the thought that counts, right?

Cam's First Fish

My baby boy caught his first fish today.   He went fishing with my brother Brandon.  I am so proud of him!  

Cam's first fish!

Slow Day

I call it "slow days" when I do something incredibly blonde aka "slow."

I went to Wal-Mart after work and found these curtains I liked on sale for $2.50 a piece!!  Anyone who has ever bought curtains knows that is a great find!!  So, I rearranged my curtains in my house in my head and picked out the last 6 packs of them for my bedroom windows (2 for each window).  I also bought regular priced curtains for my kitchen.  I went through the self check-out and went home.  When I got home, I just left all the bags of stuff in the living room and went to bed.

I woke up and put my curtains up and guess what?  Two were missing!!!  I searched my car, my bags, everywhere....nothing!  So, I ended up having to go back to Wal-Mart and re-buy those curtains.  Those were the last 6 ones and guess what?  Two were hanging right back up in the discount aisle.  I even vented to a couple of unsympathetic Wal-Mart employees to no avail...oh, well.  I ended up paying $5.00 a curtain!!!

The Cassidys

When my daughter was born, I named her Cassidy Shyne.  The Shyne part is after me because my name is Sunshine.  I really liked the named Cassidy and her daddy liked the name Cierra.  All I know was I wanted my kids to have the same inititals.  My son's name is Cameron Shawn (Shawn after his Daddy).

The day I found out I was pregnant, I knew I was having a girl.  Some relatives were over and we put those two names in a hat.  Out came the name Cassidy!  My kids have the same initials and the same number of letters in their names.  So many people said they didn't like the name Cassidy or it was a boy's name. I didn't care....I loved it.  It was her name and I didn't even know if she was a girl.

So, anyways.  I was sitting on break talking with this girl I work with.  She has a 2 year old named Cassidy.  I thought it was cute that we both had daughters with the same name.  Well, she picked up the Toys R Us paper and said, "I need to find something for Cassidy's birthday,"  which was the same thought I had had in my head all week.  So, I asked her "When is Cassidy's birthday.  My Cassidy's is May 3rd."  She answered, "May 3rd" at the exact time I said "May 3rd"!  Her Cassidy and my Cassidy were even born in the same hour, within a minute of eachother!!!  Of course her Cassidy just turned 2 and mine just turned 6 but what are the odds?!!!  One day, I am going to sit down and calculate the actual odds of that happening.

I keep thinking it should mean something.  Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't.  But it is still very cool in my opinion!!!

Cassidy and her family the day she came home from  the hospital.

I Expect to Hear Great Things!

While I was at my kids' school delivering birthday cupcakes for my daughter, I ran into my 7th grade teacher.  I have no idea how she recognized me after 15 years but she did.  She called my name out and I instantly had flashbacks from middle school. She asked me did I remember her.  I just looked at her like...ummmm....nooo.  She said, "It's me, Miss Cook."

Well, OMG I loved Miss Cook in 7th grade!!  She was one of my favorite teachers ever and a big part of the reason why 7th grade was the best year I had of school.

I just stood there in shock.  I didn't know what to even say to her.  She told me she remembered my face and I hadn't changed.  She told all the ladies in the front office that she had taught me in 7th grade.  All I could do was stand and look in amazement....or embarrassment....

See, Miss Cook had written in my yearbook in the 8th grade that she expected to hear great things from me.  I always remembered that.  Other teachers would write, "Good Luck Next Year." or "It's been a pleasure having you this year."

Not Miss Cook.  She wrote "You are a very special young lady.  I expect to hear great things from you in the future."

So....I am now embarrassed.  What great things can I tell her that I have accomplished in 15 years?  I walked out of there in a hurry.  I needed time to think.  I needed time to think of what I have accomplished that would make her (now Mrs. Ashby) proud.

On paper, it doesn't sound too good.  I barely graduated high school.  I didn't go to college.  I had my first child at 19.  I married and that didn't work out.  What HAVE I ACCOMPLISHED?  I guess I will continue to think about it some more...before I run into Mrs. Ashby again.

7th Grade Sunshine

To Blog or Not to Blog?

Ok, so I am not really new to the blogging thing...I have kept diaries and online journals my whole life.  I had a pretty interesting (ok, vicious) blog on Myspace.  I enjoy writing and I enjoy reading blogs.  I have also been told that my life is somewhat interesting...ok, somewhat  drama-filled.  Drama usually equals interesting to most small minded people.  So, I am doing it...I am going to blog.  I don't know who will actually care to read this blog.  I don't know how long I will keep up this blog.  I don't know if I have anything as important to say in my blog as other blogs I have read.  I don't really have anything important to say to the world or any kind of message to spread.  I just feel like sometimes I have much more to say or vent than will fit into the 420 character limit of a FB update.

Guess I will just take it day by day.